Patent pending

A while ago I started writing down concepts that I believed had the potential to become million dollar ideas. I set these thoughts aside with the intention of coming back to them during moments of boredom. Of course, most of them already exist, like the mirror that doesn’t fog up when you shave and the machine that wraps Christmas presents.

But there are a few that have definite commercial potential like reusable heat shrink tubing that would revolutionize the medical catheter manufacturing business. This idea is reliant on the development of a heat activated memory fluropolymer such as Fluorinated Ethylene Propylene (FEP). This one keeps me up at night... I can virtually smell the dollars and the respect of my fellow man.

Ok, enough shite...

Hold onto your hat because this next one is the real deal. I call it Central Tea™.

This scenario should illustrate my concept. A regular Sunday morning will find me in the shed sawing/drilling/gluing something. The radio is on, I’m nice and warm, relaxed and not thinking about work. What could compliment this perfect moment? A cup of tea, damn right. But the house is at the other end of the garden, awfully distant from the tea making machines and materials. Naturally, there’s no reason why I couldn’t go into the house and make the tea myself and nothing prevents me having a kettle in the shed and a fridge to store the milk but this still means that I have to physically make the tea. It’s Sunday and as the good book says, “Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God and in it thou shalt not do any work." (Exodus 20:8-10)

Keeping the Sabbath sacred went out of fashion years ago but it’s an infallibly moral justification to develop the Central Tea™ plan. If a man has God on his side how can he fail?

A common domestic heating technology utilizes a boiler to heat water and then distribute that hot water to a network of radiators around the house. It’s an architecture similar to the body’s arterial system with the heart acting as a pump circulating blood to all corners of the body. I’m always intrigued how the inspiration for the finest engineering solutions can be traced back to the most natural of sources. Central Tea ™ is founded on the principle that a man should be able to have a cup of tea anytime the mood takes him, without having to make it himself. Some may argue that half the pleasure in drinking the stuff is actually making it and watching it mature, but this isn’t like observing a pint of Guinness swirl and darken to life. Although I don’t like the black stuff I have always admired the patience and control of the old man sitting at a bar waiting for his pint and indeed the power which the stout has over him. I can’t imagine a more tranquil 192 seconds in life. I remember going to mass many years ago and every time spacing out during the priest’s sermon. The man of the cloth would talk for 20 minutes or more, striking fear, respect and awe in those who believed what he said. Me though, I never was able to recall one word he had spoken, because boredom or just the peacefulness of the environment had frozen my ability to think. It was and is the only time in life I have been able to enjoy a state of serene nothingness. The Zen of Catholicism.

So, no, I don’t accept as true that producing the tea is crucial to the joy acquired from its consumption. For me, tea is something that ought to be as attainable as water. What I am getting at with Central Tea ™ is that I should be able to hold a cup under a tap and out of it will pour hot tea, with milk and sugar already blended in. My location in the house is irrelevant because a system of pipes will carry the tea from its central boiler (the heart) to anywhere in the domicile or peripheral buildings, such as the shed.

Am I really asking for too much?