Death Ball 3000

Summer is over and I am pretty dang happy about that to be honest. I heard a weather dick on the radio (you know who you are… Mark Sealy of Minnesota Public Radio) say we experienced 30 days above 90ºF this summer. I doubt 30 days is a record but it sure was rough and according to the climatologists it's not going to get any better until the next ice age. Thank God for cold beer, ice cream, the garden hose, drinks with little fucking umbrellas in them and the best respite of all, Elise's ankle deep swimming pool. I would also be praising the Lord for air conditioning but we don't have it, nor do we plan to get it. If we were unfortunate or mental enough to live in the desert or in the Deep South it would be a necessity but 30 hot days out of 365 is manageable and makes those cool days all the sweeter. Martha has been preaching that line for the three summers I've lived here and I was finally won over this year. Also, our house was built in 1889 and for sure doesn't have insulation efficient or fancy enough to make AC viable. Legend has it that insulation back then consisted of newspaper and straw. Yes sir, I'll take straw and newspaper over your new fangled R30 polystyrene foam any old day of the week.

Elise has a new boyfriend, goes by the name of Tim, or Young Tim. He's definitely marriage material. It doesn't take an idiot to figure this one out. His dad is German and his mother is Russian or possibly Soviet Block. I can't distinguish certain eastern European languages from each other, one of my many failings. Suffice to say that growing up in a multilingual house will guarantee Tim a place in a good college, maybe even one that has ivy growing all over it and is considered in the same league as other establishments with generous ivy coverage, an Ivy League college if you will. He needs to work on his chivalry though and they don't teach that at Harvard, Yale, Princeton or even at Ripon. Tim may only be 14 months old but there is no excuse for the disrespect he showed Elise last night at the park, no excuse. It was a basketball that drove a wedge through their budding friendship, a basketball.

About 20 minutes prior to the incident I found a basketball that some kid must have left at the park. Knowing that Elise likes to play with a ball now and again I entertained her with some dribbling and hoop shooting, Larry Bird style. She got most pleasure out of me simply lobbing the ball in her direction so that it bounced toward her at her eye level. We threw the ball back and forth to each other for a while. Martha, who is 31 weeks pregnant, joined in the game and demonstrated a level of sport know-how equally pathetic to mine. Soon all three of us were laughing and chasing the ball around the court. Having a family is the greatest thing in the world. Why the hell are more people my age not having kids? Every time we go to the park with Elise we meet parents of other young kids but the parents are always 10 or more years older than us. We have nothing in common. It stinks. Whatever.

Elise started to yawn meaning it was time to go home and put her to bed. We hadn't decided yet whether we'd keep the free ball or not so we continued to play with it as we walked toward the car. Walking through the playground I thought I'd show Elise one last trick. I rolled the ball up the twisty slide and let it fly down the slide on its own. She laughed and the ball rolled over to where Tim, his sister and his mother were playing. Tim picked up the ball and started to play with it, thinking it had no owner and had just decided to roll down the slide on its own. Elise ran over and took it back from him. He got mad and took it back from her… and she cried. Tim's sister, being about three years old and understanding the concept of sharing, played the peace broker. She took the ball from Tim and rolled it to Elise. She made her own brother see that there was more fun to be had from everyone playing with the ball than from him having it to himself and trying to defend it from our crying daughter. Elise's tears evaporated as she got into the game. She rolled the ball to Tim's sister. She rolled it to Tim. Tim rolled it to Elise. Elise rolled it to Tim… you get the picture. It was very interesting to witness the situation unfold, to watch a dispute erupt and then see three little people find a solution, by themselves, that gave everyone what they wanted. Idiots at the UN take note.

Our family is set to grow by one new member on November 16th, give or take a few days. Elise was over a week late. We already know that the new baby is a girl. If this happens again Martha might have to get the Henry VIII treatment. Tough but fair.